After the death of her husband, Ruth (not real name) was chased out of the house by her late husband’s brothers. The young widow set out for Abuja from Jos in Plateau State as she had heard numerous tales about the Federal Capital Territory.
In her desperate search for survival, she met James, who offered her a place to stay until she secured a decent job. However, they fell in love and it has been blissful ever since. Her words “James took me in as a friend. Not too long, we found love with each other; now we have two boys. We have yet to get married the right way due to financial difficulties but we are happy. My family do not know about him or the children but at the right time, we will go for a proper introduction.
I thought my whole world had ended after the death of my first husband. I thank God for James, he is God-sent.” This is not uncommon in Abuja, where there are couples who live together without observing the conventional marriage rites and this phenomenon is termed ‘Abuja Marriage’. It is an expression for a marriage of convenience between two consenting adults, which many residents in Abuja have lived with for decades. An old but persistent practice of ladies and men living together as husbands and wives.
This kind of marriage is not based on love, but forced by accommodation issues and the economic condition of the country. New National Star gathers that people having heard from friends and relatives, head for Abuja and in their desperate search for survival, they do not mind being housed by a total stranger in exchange for sex. Investigations by this newspaper on why ‘Abuja marriage’ is on the rise show that more people come into Abuja in search of greener pastures with hopes for a better life. Some people come without a job, family or even knowing anybody to stay with. Such marriages take place without a proper wedding, it is also without the knowledge of the family members of both parties.
A cross-section of Abuja residents have given reasons why men and women live together as husbands and wives without performing the necessary traditional rites. For Mr. Basil Okon, a civil servant, he notes that when people do not have money for rent, they resort to squatting with strangers and before one can say jack they will become live-in lovers. He says, “the trend is an old one that has been happening over the years and it is still on the rise.
Somehow, it will not stop soon. The Federal Government transfers you to Abuja from another town where you do not know anyone or have any relative. They do not make provision for your accommodation and you get to your designated office and a male colleague says, I have a room you can stay until you are able to get your place. “We all know that a man and a woman staying together is like a goat and a yam; you cannot ask the goat not to eat the yam. I have seen marriages get broken because of this. A man starts telling his wife different stories about why she cannot visit him and this is because he is living with another woman who probably has kids for him.”
Ms. Anita Orieji explains that it is normal in a society that has evolved. She says, “ It is just lovers cohabiting. It is seen as a step towards marriage or the equivalent of it. The difference between Abuja marriage and the traditional way of getting married is the absence of a marriage certificate. This marriage lacks commitment and stability as it is without the knowledge of family members, a court and the presence of a pastor. So, in a world where most people are having sex without marriage, the gap between a live in that kind of relationship and the actual marriage is closing.”
Another resident, Mrs. Victoria Eke, notes that the practice of unmarried adults cohabiting is not new as it has generally been accepted in the nation’s capital. It is practised by newcomers into the FCT. She stresses the need for people to live together before getting married, that way they get to know themselves better. Her words, “How do you know a man that beats a woman if you do not live with him. These men pretend a lot, some of them are very untidy. I believe it is all about choice. As adults, people should do whatever they want to do. It is better to live in with someone who takes care of your needs than to get involved in illegal means of livelihood, especially prostitution which is very common for young women.” Stella Omolola, a resident living in Nyanya, narrates how she found herself involved in Abuja marriage. She says, “I was living with my aunt in Gwagwalada when I came to Abuja. Sadly, not up to a year later, she lost her husband making life difficult for us all. She wanted to relocate to Benin with her children, while I wanted to look for a job. So, I decided not to leave. However, I had to move out of the house. “Luckily, I met a man, who took me in as his sister, I cook and take care of the house, while he is at work. One thing led to the other and here we are.” Some women also lament how they do not know which man is real anymore due to the style of marriage in Abuja.
For Tracy Ekirigwe, living in Apo, FCT, Abuja she says: “You meet a young guy thinking he has genuine intentions only for you to find out that he is jobless and gets into a relationship only because he needs a place to stay. It is that bad, good looking men, some even have jobs yet they live in their cars due to the fact that they cannot afford an accommodation.”
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